Heaven
Slaughter
1-19-2013
Broken but not done.
You cry out for help and get no
answer. That’s what the world does to you. You cry out for help and you get answers,
but more then that you get, hope, peace, love, comfort, eternal life, and so
much more. That’s what God does for you.
She cried out for weeks wondering if
anyone heard her. She turned to her teachers by writing papers that should
strike concern. No answer. She turned to her church, the ones who should lift
her up to the Lord. Instead they shut her out and made her feel like a fool.
She turned to her friends at school. Surely they would care enough to help.
They all walked by without even thinking twice about the tears streaming down
her face. She turned to her best friend. In that she found someone who cared.
Someone who brought encouragement, but she feared hurting her friend. They had
both had a tough few weeks and she didn’t want to bring her down with her. So
she turned to her own way out. She turned to the razor to dismiss the pain,
even if only for a moment. She turned to the drugs that had helped her at one
point in her life. The ones that made her feel lifeless and at ease even if
only for a night.
Her life started to fall apart in
her hands. She didn’t know what to do, or where to go. She tried all of these
things searching for an answer. She longed to feel how she once felt. She once
felt peace, hope, joy, love and ease. She felt like there was a place for her
in this crazy sphere we call world. Where had that gone? Had she really fallen
so far and so hard from whom she was a month ago. She was broken and living a
life full of regret. She wasn’t any happier, if anything she felt worse then
ever. She knew that she was the person she feared the most. She had become the
past version of herself. The version that didn’t know our Savior. She knew this
but still she struggled to find that hope again. The scars on her wrist made
her feel like God could never love her again. The drugs under her mattress made
her feel like she was alone. How could God possibly love someone who disobeyed
him time and time again? Someone who knew what she was doing was wrong but did
nothing to stop herself. She lies on the bathroom floor with a razor to her
wrist. She kept saying, ‘He will never love me now” “I have nothing to live for
anymore, The world is better off without me.” She truly felt this way.
She puts the razor to her wrist and
begins to cut deeper and deeper. She can feel herself fading fast. A bright
light flashes before her eyes and she is in awe. What could this light be? Is
this how it all ends. Follow the light and she leaves the world forever. Through
the light a strong hand reaches down to her. From behind her fire begins and
another hand is reached out to her. From the hand in the light she hears
trumpets and angels calling her name. Calling for her to grab the hand reaching
out. From the hand through the fire she feels heat and death. She knew that if
she took the fiery hand then what she wanted would become true. She would no
longer be in the world. If she took the hand out of the light she would get a
second chance to right the wrongs she had done. The light and fire was fading
fast and she knew she had to make a decision. Did she really want to be gone
forever? Never seeing her parents, brothers, best friend ever again. Tears
begin to swell in her eyes. How could she leave them all behind? Then the light
produced a picture. She recognized the girl instantly. It was her best friend.
The one who had cared for her. The one who had helped her and brought her
encouragement. She was dubbed over on the floor with tears streaming down her
face. Behind her was her two little brothers who stood motionless. Like they
were frozen in the moment. Above them were her parents. They looked down at
something. Her mom was crying into her fathers solider and her father stood
motionless as her little brothers. What were they all looking at? Then the
picture moves and she understands now. It was her lying on the floor. Not
breathing, not moving.
Instantly she screamed out “I don’t
want to die!” and at that moment she grabbed the hand out of the light and went
with it. She was instantly drawn into the chest of a loving man. She now understood
that it was Jesus holding her, keeping her alive. She lay in His arms crying,
shaking, shivering, and screaming. How could she have let herself get to this
point. Was she even alive anymore? Or was she now going to be seated with God
forever. She was not ready to leave all the ones she loved the most behind. She
was not ready to give up the fight. She asked Jesus to heal her and give her
life back again. She promised to do it right this time. Instantly her prayers
were answered and she awoke once again. Her eyes open and what does she see?
Her best friend standing over her, holding her hand. She is crying but a smile
begins to form through the tears. On the other side of her is her mother, and
father. They are holding each other as well as her. They are both crying now,
and kissing her cheeks. At the end of her bed stands her two little brothers.
They are no longer motionless but holding tightly to one another and smiling.
At that moment she realized where she had gone wrong a month ago. She never let
go and let God. She tried to heal her pain on her own. When all she had to do
was pray to God to take the pain.
Don’t rely on what the world has to
say to you. Rely on what God has to say. The world will tear you apart and make
you feel worse then you already had. God can heal you and bring you peace.
Don’t try to fix the pain on your own. Let go and Let God.
At times It may feel like you are to far gone to ever be loved like once before. The truth is God never stops loving us. He never stops forgiving us. Life is tough and tears us apart. God picks us back up. Never feel like you are alone. Never feel like no one cares. God is always near to the broken hearted. Lean twords him and grab hold of the hands outstretched before you. Take comfort in His lap and find that light that you once shone so brightly.
God bless <3
Love,
Heaven Slaughter
No comments:
Post a Comment